Ac-centuate the Positive

I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed with just life stuff lately and it's trying to get me down. But I hate being a negative nellie, so I've decided to write out a list of all of the positive things going on, the things I'm proud of or excited about.

* I totally nailed my nutrition and workouts last week and lost 7 pounds on the scale from last Sunday to Monday morning. I know a good bit of that was water weight but it still feels great to be back on track! And getting rid of that much water weight I can see and tell a difference in how my clothes are fitting again!

* Because I've gotten rid of the bloat I'm seeing some of the definition in my muscle that I've been working so hard to get the last couple of months.

* I knew meal planning totally worked for me, but I am amazed at how much better it goes when I have it typed out in a spreadsheet, printed, and hung on my refrigerator, as opposed to just saved on the computer. Turns out I NEED it in front of my face every morning when I'm packing my lunch and snack for the day. And for some reason doing it with cute fonts and colors seems to help too. I'm easily amused.

* Our BBQ party is this Saturday and I'm so excited! I have some fun recipes I'm looking forward to making for that and it will be so good to hang out with friends.

* I have the day off this Friday so I get a three day weekend, WOOP! Plus that will give me extra time to get the house ready for the party.

* I don't have it hung on the wall yet, but my gallery wall is all in frames and ready to go and I LOVE it! It's taken me some time to get together because I was trying to use as much "found" stuff as I could to avoid spending too much, but it's really come together nicely.

* I've been getting more responsibility at the job lately, and I'm receiving some great positive feedback on my work!

* I made a new 21 DF friendly recipe for Chicken Enchilada Soup over the weekend and it was delicious! It's perfect for dinner and as leftovers for lunch the next day.

* Since I made that and I actually really enjoyed cooking it, it's inspired me to take on more new recipes to put some variety in the dinner rotation.

* Adam and I spent half the day Sunday just relaxing and sleeping and eating pancakes for brunch, and it's the best day I've had in a while.

See? I feel better already! What are some good things going on in your life?

Confession: I'm a Perfectionist and It's Not Fun

So remember how I was going to use my blogging break last week to write a bunch of posts that have been just sitting around in my brain waiting to be written? Yeah, um, about that.

Turns out I have writer's block. But not the kind where you run out of ideas. The kind of writer's block where I have plenty of ideas swirling around in my head but then when I go to actually put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard?) I just kind of blank out because I feel like I don't know how to really articulate my thoughts. So instead of just starting to type and working it out as I go, I freeze up and don't even try. Lame.

Ok, this ecard is actually rather perfect here (no pun intended) because it articulates my exact feelings BUT the mistake in the grammar is driving me crazy. So wonderfully ironic. *I'd rather...*

This is not a new phenomenon for me. It pretty much comes with territory of being horribly perfectionistic. And I don't say "I'm a perfectionist" in that humble-brag, "I do everything perfectly or not at all" kind of way (because of course I don't do everything perfectly). Being a perfectionist is actually really frustrating, because it paralyzes you. It says "I don't know that I can hit this out of the park on the first try, so forget it." Or "I tried that once and sucked at it, so never mind."

Of course at the root of all of this is ugly, stinking pride. Being afraid to fail because what? I'm afraid what people will think? I'm afraid my worth will go down in their estimation? And so what if it does? Why am I SO afraid of that?

Pride does not serve. Pride does not love. Pride is more concerned with it's own comfort and status than it is with helping others.

It's really funny too, because of course I KNOW being perfect is a big ol' lie and entirely impossible, and I've already failed at being perfect. Like, on Day 1. So I know what I need to do instead is to "cease striving." But I still struggle.

I think ultimately I just don't want this fear to keep me from the potential to accomplish some pretty great things. From following God's plan for me into the great unknown. Gosh, I hate unknowns. I'm pretty much the exact opposite of an adventurer, someone who's willing to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I've always said I wish God would just give me a 5 year plan, you know? Just lay it out for me so I know what the next 5 years is going to look like and which way I'm supposed to go, and I'll be good. That's obviously not how it works though.

I know my goal in life is not meant to be "Do everything perfectly and make sure everyone likes you and always be safe and never do anything you could fail at." If you never try, then you'll never know, right? (h/t to Coldplay)

Sheesh. This got heavy in a hurry. Sorry about that. I just have a lot of feelings.

A Letter to Myself in 10 Years

Look at me all fancy with my PicMonkey skills...

I know I'm a day late on this, but I saw everyone posting it yesterday and loved the idea! Thought I would take a stab at it. It was actually really hard to think of what to say at first, my mind was blank! But when you start to just think about what kind of person you are now and what kind of person you want to be, it starts to flow.

Dear 41-year old me (Yikes),
Well, here we are, a decade older and (hopefully) wiser. I hope you're as happy as I am right now, but more important than that, I hope you're following hard after God and leaning in to Him for everything, because He is everything. I hope you have only deepened your relationship with Him and grown more aware of His voice, more in tune with His call, and more in love with His heart.

I hope you are falling more deeply in love every day with that awesome, crazy guy named Adam. I know he's your very best friend, and I hope you two are still having fun together, laughing at stupid inside jokes until you can't breathe, watching the same TV series on DVD over and over and never getting tired of it, making up your own lyrics to songs (although he will always be better at it than you are) and taking yearly trips to Disney World or somewhere equally childlike and fun.  Never take yourselves too seriously, love each other unconditionally, and I know you'll be just fine. We've already been through a lot together at 31 and 32 respectively, so I know there's nothing you can't face.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself and continuing the healthy habits I am trying to cultivate now. I hope you never take your health for granted and realize how blessed you are to be healthy and strong. I also hope you aren't being harsh with yourself in regards to your appearance. I hope you're not still agonizing over every ounce of weight or dimple in your thighs. Life's so much more than that. And I have it on good authority that Adam thinks you're beautiful just the way you are.

I hope you have come out of your shell more as far as friendships are concerned. I hope you're not letting your shyness and insecurities keep you from reaching out to people to cultivate more friendships and not letting fear keep you from being the one to "make the first move". When you do get past your fear you realize that you're a pretty cool person and people really do like you enough to be your friend.

I hope that no matter what you are doing for a living, you're doing it with all of your heart and as unto Him, not to please others. I hope you have moved past the performance mentality, feeling like you have to achieve a certain level of perfection, success or "togetherness" in life in order to have value and substance.  I hope you are taking time out for quiet, peaceful moments in the midst of the "busy" and realizing that you are already so completely loved and "enough" because of who you are in Christ, not because of what you can accomplish.

I hope you have learned how futile it is to worry and fret and fear over every little contingency in life, and realize that it adds not one thing to your life, it only takes.

I hope you are a person of grace and love.

Sincerely,
31-year old you

 

Dear High School Julie,

If I could travel back in time and have a little chat with my high school self it would be kinda weird this is what I would say...

• I know you feel super awkward and unsure of yourself sometimes, but guess what? Everyone else does too! Some are just better at hiding it than others. 

• YOU ARE NOT FAT so stop it already with the negative self-talk. One day you will look at these pictures and think "Why in the heck did I think I was fat??"

• Don't worry about not being part of the "popular" crowd. Just enjoy the amazing friends you have and realize that being "popular" isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

• Being an introvert is not a bad thing, though it may seem like it right now. It's who you are and that's ok because that's how God made you. As such, you are a great listener and extremely sensitive to other's feelings. 

• These are great times, but they're not the best times of your life. It's not all downhill from here. You have many, many more exciting, joyful, and surprising times ahead. 

• Stop investing so much emotional energy into boys who don't reciprocate your feelings. God's going to bring an AMAZING man into your life in just a few years, and you will be so very glad that you didn't waste your time and emotions on anyone who isn't enthralled with you the way he will be. 

• Though I know you already do, appreciate and treasure the time you have with your daddy. He won't be here on this earth for as long as you think he will (though he will be there to walk you down the aisle at your wedding!) 

• Keep being true to yourself and your beliefs. It will be 100% worth it, promise. 

Linking up with Home of Malones and East Coast Chic for Thoughts for Thursday!